Hate, critisism, and negativity are a part of life.
And even more so now that everything is online.
It could be skeptical peers, organisational leaders, or just prejudice to the way you look.
But what if you could turn that hate into productivity?
Understanding why people hate, and reframing the negativity into strength is an important skill to be more productive, so lets unpack it.
Why people hate
Before you can deal with hate, you need to understand where it comes from.
Itâs absolutely essential you understand that not all critisism is created equal.
Some of it is constructive - and some is just noise.
- Constructive critism is feedback meant to help you improve. Itâs specific and actionable - like âYour report needs more substantive evidenceâ for example.
- Destructive hate is aimed at tearing you down. Itâs vague, itâs personal - like âYouâre a failure, this work is crapâ.
The motivation behind both forms of feedback is very different. Hate often comes from jealousy, or misunderstaning, or the critics own issues. For example, someone might lash out at you because they see you as a threat to something thatâs important to them, or they feel inadequate, or they feel youâll unduly influence others in sub-optimal ways.
And funnily - itâs almost universally varied:
- Highly educated, talented people with specialised skills may simply think they are smarter than you. They may not want to listen to what you say.
- Other people at the bottom of the societal food chain, may just lash out at you, because they donât understand you, or just want to put you down.
Remember, the hate is not always about you. Much critisism comes from the critics own struggles in understanding whatâs going on - and placing unnecessary emotional emphasis on things that may or may not be important.
How you can think this through
When you recieve a piece of feedback (or hate) - you need to understand the intent:
- Is it supposed to be constructive or destructive? If itâs destructive itâs hate, and probably not worth your time.
- What might be motivating the person giving this feedback? â the motivation matters.
- Does the feedback reflect more on me or on them?
A key âtellâ to look for - is whether the feedback is even a real thing. E.g. if a peer says âYouâre too ambitiousâ but cannot say why - it may just reflect their own concerns about what you are doing compared to them. Or if someone says âYour proposal lacks detailâ and they can cite the detail, that may not be hate - it may just be real concern or feedback.
Itâs important to understand precisely which it is.
How to reframe negativity
Criticism - even when harsh, can hold kernels of truth.
Reframing helps you find value in negativity without letting it define you.
Steps to achieve this:
- Find the truth:
- Look past the tone of the message and ask yourself simply - âIs there anything useful here?â
- Even a rude and abnoxious comment might highlight something you should improve.
- Self reflection
- Use hate as a mirror.
- If someone says youâre âtoo loud,â consider if your communication style needs tweakingâor if theyâre just uncomfortable with your confidence.
- It is a subtle difference.
- And remember, in some situations - the âloudâ persona might have other utility. It might just affront that person - and it doesnât matter.
- Flip the script:
- Someones people are just negative to get a bite, or get attention.
- In some situations you can go on the attack - and say in return theyâre just âboringâ or âstuffyâ or ânot of understandingâ.
- This can drive a lot of attention and engagement as conflict sells in some situations.
Final words
Anyone successful from time and memorial has haters.
Donât stress.
Listen, discern, act if necessary.
Even if theyâre right - there may be balanced reasons not to worry.
No matter what you do you cant make everyone happy.
Just donât stop because of comments from losers.