mastering ethical influence

Selling is influence, and everyone is selling all the time.

The #1 thing you should not do, is be sleezy in the way you go about it.

This section teaches you how to create urgency, by helping people earn your trust.

This is rooted in psychology - and is very powerful.

The roadmap to mastering ethical influence is an important lesson.

Why ethical influence matters

87% of consumers expect and distrust urgency tactics like “only 3 left!” when there is endless stock. Authenticity is therefore an underrated edge to tap into. The key here is to create win-win situations where customers feel empowered and not pressured.

Done correctly this builds trust, helps you stand out, and protects your reputation. You’ll be shocked how adversarial influence is.

Doint it right up front is super important.

The first key concept to understand is Urgency Psychology

Urgency nudges people to act - not by tricking them, but by aligning your pitch to their natural decision making process. And this doesn’t have to be used to sell products and services.

It could be as simple asking a teacher for an extension or some other concept.

Urgency should be revealed naturally in conversation preferably, rather than as a templated hard sell you might put in words.

Think about these emotional concepts

The procrastination concept:

Psychology: People procrastinate due to “analysis paralysis” (overwhelm from too many choices) or fear of making the wrong call.
This stems from the brain’s desire to avoid loss, leading to inaction as a “safe” choice. By simplifying decisions, you reduce cognitive load and make action feel safer.
How you can use this emotionto use it:

If selling sneakers, explain the design process and sizing upfront to eliminate confusion.

Example: “Choosing a custom sneaker design can feel big. Let’s pick two colors you love to make it simple—sound good?”

Cost of indecision concept

Psychology: Humans are loss-averse, meaning they fear losing something (like money or opportunity) more than they value gaining it. Highlighting the cost of delay taps into this, making action feel like the way to avoid loss.
How to use it: Show what they lose by waiting, like missed opportunities or benefits.
Example: “Each week you delay tutoring, you’re missing 5 hours of study that could boost your grade by 10%.”

Regret minimisation concept

Psychology: People are motivated by “anticipated regret”, they want to avoid feeling bad later for not acting. Studies show regret for inaction stings more than regret for action, as it feels like a missed chance.
How to use it: Paint a vivid picture of their future with and without your offer.
Example: “Picture yourself in a month, wishing you’d grabbed this exclusive sneaker design when it was available.”

Decision momentum concept

Psychology: Get a small “yes” (like a deposit or agreement) to build toward a bigger commitment. The “foot-in-the-door” effect shows that small commitments make people more likely to agree to larger ones, as they want to stay consistent with their initial action. This leverages the brain’s need for self-consistency.
How to use it: Start with a low stakes agreement before asking for the full purchase.
Example: “Can you confirm your sneaker size today? That locks in your spot for the next batch.”

Opportunity window concept

Psychology: Highlight time-sensitive opportunities tied to external factors, like seasons or availability. The scarcity principle drives action when something is perceived as rare or temporary. The brain prioritizes opportunities that might disappear, triggering a fear of missing out (FOMO).
How to use it: Explain why now is the optimal time to act.
Example: “This tutoring package is discounted for back-to-school, but the deal ends next week.”

How we build authentic scarcity

Scarcity motivates when it’s genuine fake scarcity (like “Only 2 left!” when you have 100) erodes trust. Use real limits to add value and urgency.

Techniques to create authentic scarcity:

Capacity based scarcity

Highlight genuine constraints on your time, resources, or output.
Psychology: Scarcity increases perceived value because people want what’s hard to get (the exclusivity effect). Real limits signal quality and care, boosting trust.
How to use it: Be transparent about your capacity.
Example: “I can only customize 10 pairs of sneakers this month to keep the quality top-notch—7 are already booked.”

Time window scarcity

Tie offers to specific timeframes, like seasons or events.
Psychology: Temporal scarcity creates urgency because the brain associates deadlines with loss if not acted upon. This triggers the endowment effect, where people value something more when it’s about to vanish.
How to use it: Connect your offer to a natural deadline.
Example: “My tutoring slots fill up before finals so let’s secure your session before November.”

Expertise based scarcity

Emphasise your unique skills or knowledge that few others have.
Psychology: Rare expertise feels valuable because it’s not easily replaced, tapping into the uniqueness bias. Customers trust and prioritise those with specialised skills.
How to use it: Showcase what sets you apart.
Example: “I’ve spent years mastering this sneaker painting technique, only a handful of artists do it like this.”

Partnership scarcity

Offer exclusive collaborations or limited partnerships.
Psychology: Exclusivity triggers social status motives, where people want to feel special or part of an elite group. This aligns with the need for belonging and distinction.
How to use it: Limit partnerships to create a sense of privilege.
Example: “I’m only partnering with one school for tutoring this semester to give them my full focus.”

Geographic scarcity

Restrict offers by location to create local exclusivity.
Psychology: Localised scarcity feels personal and urgent, as it ties to the customer’s immediate context. This leverages the proximity effect, where nearby opportunities feel more relevant.
How to use it: Limit by region or area.
Example: “I’m only taking sneaker orders from [your city] this month to keep shipping fast.”

Before claiming scarcity, you need to ask yourself the following questions:

Is this limit real?
Can I prove it?
Does it benefit the customer?
Am I transparent?

If the answer to any of these is no. Don’t make the claim.

Understanding opportunity cost communication

Time is an important factor to play with. This is a suite of tools to use time as a way of getting people to act with clear intent.

The techniques are as follows:

Pitching a timing advantage

Highlight how acting now aligns with their goals or reduces risks.
Psychology: The brain prioritises immediate rewards over delayed ones (temporal discounting). Showing how early action saves time or ensures success taps into this bias.
How to use it: Emphasise time sensitive benefits.
Example: “Starting tutoring now means you’ll be prepped for midterms, not cramming last minute.”

Market trend alignment

Connect your offer to current trends to position customers as leaders.
Psychology: Social proof and the bandwagon effect drive people to act when they see others benefiting from a trend. Being an early adopter also boosts self image.
How to use it: Show how acting now puts them ahead.
Example: “These sneaker designs are blowing up on TikTok—ordering now gets you in on the trend.”

Capacity optimisation

Explain how acting now ensures the best service due to your current availability.
Psychology: People value quality and attention, and limited capacity signals exclusivity. This ties to the scarcity principle, making timely action feel critical.
How to use it: Highlight how timing affects quality.
Example: “I’ve got time this week to focus on your sneakers, but next week I’m fully booked.”

Psychological readiness

Capitalise on their current excitement to encourage action.
Psychology: Emotional arousal (like enthusiasm) boosts decision-making, but it fades fast due to the decay of emotional intensity. Acting while they’re “hot” leverages this peak motivation.
How to use it: Lock in their enthusiasm.
Example: “You’re stoked about this tutoring plan—let’s start while you’re fired up!”

Communicating scarcity ethically

Because pretty much all marketers use scarcity as a sales tactic, your best bet is to use this tactic scarcly. Here are some techniques on how to use it.

Creating constraint based value

Show how your limits ensure better quality or attention for the customer.
Psychology: Constraints signal care and exclusivity, aligning with the quality heuristic (people assume limited things are better). Transparency about limits also builds trust.
How to use it: Explain how scarcity benefits them.
Example: “I keep my tutoring group small so every student gets one-on-one feedback.”

Offer them alternatives

If they say no to an offer - offer other options if the timing or offer doesn’t work for them.
Psychology: Flexibility reduces pressure and shows customer centricity, triggering reciprocity—people feel inclined to trust or work with those who prioritise their needs.
How to use it: Provide workarounds.
Example: “If you can’t order sneakers now, I can reserve a spot for next month’s batch.”

Scarcity education

What it is: Explain why your limits exist and how they help the customer.
Psychology: Educating builds trust by satisfying the brain’s need for understanding (the “why” heuristic). Transparency also counters skepticism about scarcity claims.
How to use it: Share the reasoning behind your constraints.
Example: “I limit sneaker orders to ensure every pair is hand-painted perfectly, here’s a video of my process.”

Overcoming decision barriers

Help customers overcome delays by understanding their decision-making barriers. This is broken into decision psychology, fighting procrastination, and decision facilitation.

When customers cant make a decision

These are situations that might break a deal and how to influence a shift

People get paralysed and cant make a decision

The way to overcome this is break complex decisions into simple, manageable steps.
Psychology: Too many options cause cognitive overload, freezing the brain’s decision-making process (choice overload). Simplifying reduces stress and enables action.
How to use it: Guide them through small choices.
Example: “Let’s start with picking a sneaker color, then we’ll do size—easy, right?”

The customer cant choose

What it is: Offer a curated set of options (e.g., 2-3) to avoid overwhelming them.
Psychology: The paradox of choice shows that too many options reduce satisfaction and action. A “good, better, best” structure satisfies the need for choice without paralysis.
How to use it: Present clear options.
Example: “Choose from Basic, Premium, or Deluxe tutoring packages—here’s what each offers.”

The customer is not confident in the product

Boost their decision-making confidence with proof, like testimonials or guarantees.
Psychology: Uncertainty triggers the brain’s risk-averse instincts. Social proof (e.g., others’ success) and risk mitigation (e.g., refunds) reduce perceived danger.
How to use it: Share evidence of success.
Example: “Jake got an A after 3 tutoring sessions—want to see his review?”

The individual does not understand the criteria in which they should make a decision

Help them identify what matters most in their decision.
Psychology: People often don’t know their own priorities, leading to indecision. Guiding them to clarify values aligns the decision with their identity, boosting confidence.
How to use it: Ask about their goals.
Example: “Is price or quality more important for your sneakers?”

The customer is worried they’ll regret their decision

Highlight the regret of not acting versus the risk of trying.
Psychology: Anticipated regret drives decisions—people want to avoid “what if” feelings. Inaction regret is stronger, as it feels like a lost opportunity.
How to use it: Focus on missed chances.
Example: “Will you wish you’d started tutoring before the big exam?”

The customer doesn’t have an emotional driver to buy the product

Connect the decision to their values or emotion
Psychology: Emotions drive decisions more than logic (affective forecasting). Linking your offer to their identity or goals creates emotional buy-in.
How to use it: Tie to what they care about.
Example: “These sneakers show off your unique vibe—perfect for you.”

The customer doesn’t have the data to back up a decision

Use visuals like charts or photos to clarify options and outcomes.
Psychology: The brain processes visuals faster than text (picture superiority effect), making decisions feel easier and outcomes more tangible.
How to use it: Show clear comparisons.
Example: “Here’s a chart of how tutoring boosts grades over 8 weeks.”

The customer wants to know about other peoples experiences before they buy

Share success stories or testimonials from similar customers to build the social proof.
Psychology: Social proof reduces risk by showing others have succeeded, leveraging the herd mentality to build trust and confidence.
How to use it: Highlight relatable wins.
Example: “Sarah’s sneakers went viral on Insta—check out her post!”

When customers show signs their going to procrastate

Perfectionism paradox

Show that waiting for “perfect” timing prevents progress.
Psychology: Perfectionism stems from fear of failure, paralysing action. Reframing “good enough” as optimal reduces this fear, encouraging movement.
How to use it: Emphasise action over perfection.
Example: “There’s no perfect time to start tutoring—starting now is what counts.”

Fear based delay

Identify and address fears causing hesitation, like cost or failure.
Psychology: Fear activates the amygdala, prioritising safety over action. Addressing specific concerns reduces this threat response, enabling decisions.
How to use it: Tackle their worries directly.
Example: “Worried about sneaker cost? Let’s find a design that fits your budget.”

Analysis paralysis

Limit research time and set action triggers to prevent overthinking.
Psychology: Excessive information overloads the prefrontal cortex, stalling decisions. Deadlines and simplified data restore clarity.
How to use it: Create a decision deadline.
Example: “Let’s decide on sneakers by Friday, any last questions?”

Momentum creation

Start with small decisions to build confidence for bigger ones.
Psychology: The commitment consistency principle shows small actions create a pattern, making larger commitments feel natural.
How to use it: Get a low-stakes “yes.”
Example: “Pay a $10 deposit to hold your sneaker spot easy start.”

Social accountability

Use peer or public commitment to drive action.
Psychology: Social pressure taps into the need for social approval, making people more likely to follow through to avoid embarrassment.
How to use it: Involve their circle.
Example: “Tell your friends you’re starting tutoring to stay on track!”

Reward motivation

Offer incentives for acting now, like bonuses or discounts.
Psychology: The brain’s reward system (dopamine-driven) loves immediate gratification. Rewards make action feel exciting, not forced.
How to use it: Add a perk for quick decisions.
Example: “Order sneakers today and get free custom laces.”

Distraction Elimination

Create a focused environment to prioritise the decision.
Psychology: Distractions fragment attention, reducing decision-making capacity. A clear focus leverages the brain’s limited working memory for action.
How to use it: Set aside dedicated time.
Example: “Let’s hop on a quick call to finalise your tutoring plan, no distractions.”

How to finalise a deal by helping to facilitate a decision (6 Techniques)

Provide tools to help someone with a decision:

Provide tools or frameworks to simplify decisions
Psychology: Structured guidance reduces cognitive load, making decisions feel manageable.
Example: “Take this quiz to pick your perfect sneaker style.”

Reversibility comfort

What it is: Emphasize low-risk or reversible options.
Psychology: Fear of commitment fades when risks are minimised, satisfying the brain’s safety bias.
Example: “You can cancel tutoring after one session if it’s not for you.”

Timeline optimisation

Set realistic decision deadlines without pressure.
Psychology: Deadlines create mild urgency, countering procrastination without triggering stress.
Example: “Let’s decide by Tuesday to start tutoring next week.”

Expert guidance

Position yourself as a helpful advisor, not a pushy seller.
Psychology: Trust in expertise reduces uncertainty, as people rely on credible sources (authority bias).
Example: “Based on your style, I’d recommend this sneaker design.”

Follow-up commitment

Check in to maintain momentum and address concerns.
Psychology: Consistent support reinforces trust and keeps the decision top-of-mind, leveraging the mere exposure effect.
Example: “I’ll text tomorrow to see if you’re ready to order.”

Personalised path

Tailor the decision process to their needs and style.
Psychology: Personalization feels respectful, aligning with the need for autonomy and relevance.
Example: “I made a tutoring plan that fits your after-school schedule.”

Creating communications that build urgency whilst retaining a level of trust

Urgency should feel like a partnership, not a sales pitch. Communicate it to strengthen relationships.

The principles of trusted urgency

Be transparent

Explain the exact reasons for urgency.
Psychology: Honesty satisfies the brain’s need for truth (the “why” heuristic), reducing skepticism and building trust.
Example: “I’m booked after this week, so let’s grab your tutoring slot now.”

Collaborate in the way you approach a customer

Work with them to find the best timing for their goals.
Psychology: Co-creation fosters ownership, triggering reciprocity and trust.
Example: “When do you want to start tutoring to hit your grade goals?”

Provide alternatives to the customer

Offer other options if the timing doesn’t work.
Psychology: Flexibility shows you value their needs, encouraging loyalty via the norm of reciprocity.
Example: “If sneakers aren’t in budget now, try my custom keychains.”

Spend the time to educate the customer

What it is: Share insights about timing or market factors they might not know.
Psychology: Educating positions you as a trusted expert, satisfying the brain’s curiosity and building credibility.
Example: “Custom sneakers take 2 weeks, so ordering now gets will get them by date X”

Things NOT to do.

If you see this stuff - dump it.

Sleaze to avoid

Fake timers:

Countdowns that reset.
Psychology: Deception triggers distrust, as people hate being manipulated.

Manufactured scarcity:

Lying about stock.
Psychology: False limits erode credibility when discovered.

Bait and swtich:

Promising one thing, delivering another. Psychology:
Broken promises violate trust, causing resentment.

Fear mongering:

Exaggerating risks.
Psychology: Fear may work short-term but breeds resentment and avoidance.

Conclusions

It’s really tempting to do a sale.

But if you do it the wrong way, you’ll pollute your brand. It’s not worth it.

Iterate with these tactics till you find the right formula.

Integratity is a flex. Use it.